In a perfect world, this post would have been a discussion of my new 4G home Internet connection, the features of the router, network performance and that kind of thing.  Sadly, perfection and Three never seem to be words that I can use in the same sentence (except this one).

I probably should have slept on this before writing a post, but sometimes you have to vent.  It also feels like a good idea to keep a record of events in case Three manage to foul up the cancellation of my order.

I also probably should have known better than to trust Three with, well, anything.  You see, I’ve been bitten by them before.  To set the scene for this week’s shambles, it’s worth mentioning that my last experience of Three involved them assigning my long-held mobile number to another customer during a botched porting attempt.  But the years have passed and I thought I would give them another chance.  Ha ha ha…

My current order was placed online.  The staff in my local store (who have been entirely helpful during this mess, thank you) couldn’t answer a couple of questions about the service.  This didn’t worry me, as it seemed they hadn’t been provided with much product information, although I maybe should have been more concerned that nobody at Three HQ could provide them with the answers to my (not terribly challenging) questions either.  Having some distance selling protection seemed like a good idea in case I needed to return the router.  I opted to have my order delivered to the local store to avoid the “sorry you weren’t at home” courier dance.  Trusting that Three had the logistics capabilities to deliver a parcel was, it seems, my undoing.

Yesterday, an email arrived to say that my order was ready to collect from the store.  So far so good.  After my walk in the drizzle to the store and a bit of waiting around, the parcel appeared.  Great.  Erm, sadly not.  The delivery label didn’t have my name on it.  The order number matched but there was no customer name, meaning that my order couldn’t be released.  Couldn’t we open the parcel and check the paperwork inside?  Not without authorisation.  I am within touching distance of what looks like a router-sized package, but I can’t have it.  I chose to return today when, thinking optimistically, everything would no doubt be resolved.

Today I trudged to the store again.  It was raining a lot harder this afternoon and my footwear was not appropriate for the weather.  Could I have my router?  Sadly not.  Authorisation to open the parcel had been obtained but there was no paperwork inside to link the order to me.  The router, which I think everyone involved knows is mine, must be returned and my order cancelled.  I can place another order if I would like to.  I would not like to.  All I have to show for my latest excremental Three experience is some wasted time and soggy feet.

I haven’t even been able to check with Three that my order will be cancelled.  According to the online chat, no customer account details are accessible at the moment because there are system upgrades in progress.  If I was asked for a list of appropriate times to take a customer-facing system offline, 3pm on a weekday would not be on it.  More great work there, Three…